Ladies, let's have a heart-to-heart about what's really going on in the dating world. I can't help but notice the conversations swirling around about men being intimidated by women or about women attracting nothing but losers. I used to buy into that nonsense, believing that men sought out my good energy because they couldn't find it within themselves. But let's be real here - why should it only be losers gravitating towards us? Where are the men with good energy, solid morals, and those elusive qualities of a good mate? If we are really that good, how come none of those men that we are longing to be with are knocking down our doors? It was about time I faced the truth and admitted that I was living a lie. How could I keep preaching that I was perfectly content being single when, given the choice, I would easily pick a good mate? I claimed to stand for something, but did I really? What did my standards actually look like?
All those nonfactors, I prefer nonfactors over losers, I kept attracting? I had to take a long, hard look in the mirror and accept that I was the problem. It was high time I stopped scrutinizing these men and started scrutinizing myself. I realized that the narcissists and bums were drawn to me because I accepted them. They smelled my weaknesses and knew that they could dwell safely with me. The married men! The dogs! The ones always making up excuses! The freeloader! The drunk! The deadbeats! Okay, I'm laying it heavy so yall can get the point, don't hit me up asking me if I dated all these men.
There was something in me that made us just alike somewhere down the line. My fear of rejection from love ones made it easy for me to be with these nonfactors. Why? Cause if they left, it wouldn't matter. I could never love men like them. Shed a tear one day, forget they even existed the next day. The tears weren't because they were gone but because I had to accept that I wasted my time on another joka that I shouldn't had ever been with. It got old repeating the same lesson over and over.
Who really wants a man who couldn't face his own reality, so instead he turned to others to avoid it. Not caring or even thinking about who he hurt in the midst of his out of control actions. Newsflash! We were twins, living a lie not wanting to dwell in our truths. Truth be told, the red flags were flashing constantly. However, it's easy to ignore red flags when you are flashing your own.
One day though! I woke up and started owning up to my own mess. I started seeing so many things clearer. These men were my safe zones and they served their purposes. They took up time and kept me from facing my own fears. Nothing more, nothing less.
Babygirl, it's time to get real. These men can't keep shouldering the blame for your absent father, your fear of rejection, not being loved properly, the one who broke your heart, or the one who abused you. It's time to heal and fix yourself so that your rightful mate can take his proper place. I know it's easier said than done, but it's a journey worth embarking on.
Here's something to think about: Are you settling for less than what you deserve? Are you accepting behaviors and attitudes that deep down you know you shouldn't tolerate? It's time to raise the bar, ladies. You deserve partners who share your values, bring positive energy into your lives, and treat you with the love and respect you require and deserve.
Let go of the anger and hardness that runs your personalities. Yes, you've been hurt, and yes, you have every right to be angry. But holding onto that anger only perpetuates the cycle. It's time to let go of the bitterness and allow yourselves to heal and move on. That doesn't mean forgetting or excusing what happened to you; it means finding a way to move forward without carrying the weight of the past on your shoulders.
Examine yourselves honestly and acknowledge the role you play in the types of people you attract. Stop bragging on yourself and your great qualities when all you're yielding
is dead grass. Raise your standards, heal your wounds, and open yourselves up to the possibility of finding a good mate who can complement your lives. It's time to stop blaming men and start focusing on yourselves. Only then will you be able to create the space for a healthy and fulfilling relationship to flourish. Trust me, I'm living proof and I have plenty of clients that made the change and our dwelling in their happy place with their Wow Factor! Smiling!!
Until next time, keep it spicy & seductive..
Peace, Love & Kisses,
LaTonya MeChelle
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